Moving on

10 02 2007

I can’t stand guys who send vague signals and play mind games.

I’m moving on. And I believe there’re better ones out there.

Just a few days back, I heard a guy sitting behind me whining about his love life (ok, the lack of it). He wasn’t complaining. Whining is the word. I was appalled.

We’ve been socialized to place a very high premium on having the “love of our life” and to make sure we find THE ONE. And this is especially obvious during the Valentine’s Day season. But really, is life not complete without THE ONE? And is there really such a thing as THE ONE? I don’t buy that.

Anyway, my point is that, there’s really no need to feel less complete just because we don’t have THE ONE in our lives. That makes for a very sad life. I think really, people need to recognize that they are valuable as they are and if they have found THE ONE, it’s a bonus; if not (yet), it’s OK. It’s not something pathological! I think people do not have a mate due to many, many different reasons, but certainly not because they are inherently unattractive or repulsive and they should not be made to feel like an alien just because they are single. (Ha, do I sound like I’m advocating for myself?)

That’s something my relatives need to know come Chinese New Year. I think they’ve internalized a standard set of questions to ask my brothers and I. My brothers have long learnt to deal with it with much nicety and politeness while it’s just my beginning.

“Ling ah, wa so pretty huh. Got boyfriend already or not?”

NO. (Sometimes I feel like telling them I have same-sex preferences just to watch them react)

“Really or not?”

Ya. Why? You have someone to recommend me?

“Oh.. (then they look shocked at my forthrightness) no..”

Ya, don’t worry. You’ll be the first to know when I have a boyfriend.

This is one reason why I dislike family gatherings like that. These people are out of my life for the rest of the entire year and then when they see me for the one time in the year, they want to barge right in and know what’s going on.

Anyway, to all out there, Happy Valentine’s Day!

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3 responses

10 02 2007
tobeme

Ling,
You are right on the money. We do not need another person to “complete” us. This myth, perpetuated by our culture is the biggest reason that people get together with the wrong person for them and end up worse off then they were. It also aids in creating unhealthy expectations of ourselves, because we don’t have “the one” in our lifes.
We must first be complete within ourself, then and only then will we truly enjoy sharing our life with someone else.
Sounds like you are taking a stand for being you, bravo! You know who you are, no one else does. Keep those toxic people at arms length.

12 02 2007
j*a*n*e!

that’s a very funny (the-relatives-barging-in part) yet insightful post in true ling style! anyway they (the relatives) will never let us off until we get married and have kids. maybe then they will give up and start badgering the kids instead. haha. and yesh of course we love you for who you are! vday is also friendship day 🙂 a day of love for everyone – no one needs to be left out. agape!

12 02 2007
Ling

Hello folks! Thank you for your affirmation! 🙂 i really appreciate it.

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