People me and all

29 03 2009

Of late I can honestly say I don’t like hanging out with certain groups of people. I wonder if it’s because I’m not opening up enough.. or if it’s cos I find them irritating and superficial at the same time.. “I’m nice to you only cos it’s part of my duty to do so.. if you’re out of my sight, you’re also out of my mind.” – you get the drift. I don’t want to play the game by trying too hard to connect with them, cos I’ve done that before and I ended up disliking myself for being like that. And honestly, so far, I’ve gotten nothing but difficult-to-live-with negative labels/questions. “why are you so quiet?/ you look irritated/are you ok?/ you’re supposed to be more compassionate than this, you’re a social worker”. I really appreciate some peace and acceptance especially after work and on weekends.

I suppose what I need is just regular people who are real in showing their love and concern.. without any agenda in mind. And I suppose if I sound cynical, it’s because I’ve ever been like this very group of people. I suppose people can sense if you’re real or not, people can sense why you ask certain questions.. do you ask so much to satisfy your curiosity or to make someone else feel better? do you ask questions to fill the silence you find uncomfortable? if you find the silence uncomfortable, whose issue is that? Not mine.

Anyway, March has been an extremely eventful month – met interesting people, had lots of fun, and lots of challenging moments. I also had the awesome privilege of journeying with this pt in the last days of her life. Her strength and tenacity.. her consideration for her loved ones inspire me. Also just got involved in a research related to advanced care planning. Cool stuff. Looking back, it really does look as though I had been walking in a bubble of favour. 🙂

I’m motivated to keep working toward what God has always put in my heart. I’m excited.

Fill me. Keep my heart alive.

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2 responses

31 03 2009
jane!

not triggered by the mykii dinner, i hope?

1 04 2009
Ling

crazy woman. obviously not!

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